Today has been the first day that I have felt semi-human for quite awhile. Still coughing a lot tonight, but definitely seem to be on the mend.
This has been a weird day in a lot of ways, kind of blue-ish/gray in my mind. At times I feel like I am looking at everything through a shadowy haze of a time warp. I guess I am finding it difficult to have all of my kids being so far away. I mean you spend your entire time as a parent, trying to get the kids ready to be self sufficient, independent, well rounded adults, and then when that happens, all of a sudden they are scattered all over the country and here you are. It feels almost surrealistic at times.
I look at my gorgeous little grandkids and it is then that I start to realize how much time has passed. Sometimes I have to remind myself that these babies are not my own kids at that age, they look so much alike. They have the same hold on my heart. They are the absolute light of my life and I wouldn't change this time for anything in the world. I just realize, I guess, that there really is a time limit on everything. I've never thought about my own age really or cared about getting older. Then I look at the ages of my kids and think, "My God...I was the same age that Bonnie is right now when she graduated from high school. I was Brandy's age when I went back to school and a year younger than Bobbi is now when I first moved to Cranbrook. Most of the time it doesn't feel like it was very long ago at all and then I realize, that it was a lifetime ago. Anything I was ever going to be, I already am. Sometimes it is like trying to hold onto a cloud that dissapears as soon as you touch it.
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