Car Seats and Mini Vans

Brandy is away today and I have my two little grandbabies for the day and for tonight. There is absolutely not one single thing in my life (other than my husband and my own kids of course) that I enjoy as much as my grandchildren. It has become clear to me today, however, why people are meant to have babies when they are young.



When my own kids were little there were no such things as car seats ( except for the ones which loosely hooked over the back of the seat so they could see out the window better), or even seat belts. We stuffed all of the kids into the car, and usually we had some of their friends along as well. They bounced around, playing and fighting until one of us warned of the dire consequences that would arise if we had to "stop this car."


If the truth be known, in those days it was a super treat for the kids to be able to ride in the open back of their grandpa's pick up truck. Oh come on now and stop that gasping....there were rules, they did have to stay sitting down when the truck was moving!


Apparently, those days are now long gone and children must remain in government approved car seats until somewhere near the age of 21 years old. This morning, I decided to take the babies to Wal-Mart.


What should have been an easy task, began with a basic lesson in the "mini-van". All windows and doors on these mobile sticky-hand-print factories, have child proof locks, which in this case translates to Grammy proof. It is important to know, that opening one door, does not mean that any of the other doors will open at the same time. Not even when you are carrying a struggling 2 year old in one arm and trying to hold the hand of a 3 year old who is pulling in the other direction with their entire body weight. Of course, it adds to the chaos when the wind is whipping my hair about my face so I can't even see the van, let alone the miniscule key hole to open the door.


Okay the doors are open. Doors on vans slide to the side, parallel to the vehicle. I suspect this is to allow more room to be booted under the chin or in the face by the wildly kicking little feet of excited toddlers, being wrestled into today's acceptable version of a child straight jacket otherwise known as the "car seat".


The body of the car seat is rigid, hard plastic with a cushioned cover. Through slots in the base unit, wide, heavy, unyielding and completely un-stretchable straps, weave through various buckles and latches to form a harness worthy of any tests that Nasa could ever think up. I have watched my daughter (and other young mom's) hoist the kids in and out of these things multiple times a day without injury to either the kids or the mom. Not necessarily so for Grammys.


I put the youngest one in the van first. The three year old is, old enough to understand she needs to stay close as Grammy puts her brother into the car. Of course she thinks it will take Grammy the same length of time it would take her mom to do this. Boredom sets in quickly though and the kid races off across the lawn, running in circles as Grammy pinches her own fingers in the lower buckles, and gets her hair caught in the upper clasp, cracks her skull on the door frame and emerges from the van with hair askew and sweat on her upper lip. Baby is, however, securely in his straight jacket....I mean seat.


Grammy's are not adverse to bribery. We are not ashamed to offer candy for supper or to dangle offers of toys from the store in order to get a kid into the van without a battle. At least, that's what I have heard....


I am not sure how it is possible for a skinny little kid who is only 3 years old to actually weigh in the range of 400 pounds but I am quite sure that is the weight of the child I lifted into the van this morning. Another thing to remember for Grammy's is that when you put the kid in the car seat, make sure the bottom strap with the main buckle on it, is NOT, I repeat NOT underneath the kids butt when you set them in the seat. You can't reach underneath them to pull it out, because, remember now, they weigh 400 pounds. Instead you have to lift that 400 lbs, up with one arm and reach under and grab the buckle with the other hand...fast.


Okay...so they are now both in the van, Grammy has re-combed her hair, wiped the sweat off her face and tended to some minor cuts and abrasions ( all on Grammy), and we are off to the catchy tune of "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer!"


All the way to Wal-Mart we read off Traffic signs, S-T-O-P spells STOP, Pedestrian Crossing, Mommy power (Kms per hour sounds like mommy power to this little 3 year old), No Parking, Curve ahead, etc, etc, etc.


Lo and Behold there is an open parking space for moms with small kids. I took that to include Grammys with small kids and pulled in.


Getting the kids out of the straight jackets (seats) is not as difficult as putting them in. There was even a shopping cart waiting right there. I was balancing the baby in one arm, trying to fit his little legs through the opening in the cart, but each time I would drop the magnetic piece into place, he would kick it back up with his foot. Fortunately it only took maybe 25 tries and I finally got him into the cart and his sister walked along side.


I usually wander about the store looking around, taking my time, but today, I am pretty sure I made it in and out of that place in less then seven minutes. During that time I put each thing in the cart a minimum of four times as the baby pitched them back out onto the floor. We hit all four corners of the store and made it through the check out, where the kid behind the counter had a spiked Mohawk at least 12 inches high, for which neither baby even demanded an explanation. 7 Minutes!


I won't go into the return trip and the play by play repeat of the car seat fiasco, just let it be known that this Grammy has a solid respect and admiration for the technical skills and weight lifting abilities of young moms.


Now we are home again with new movies, a few essential new toys, cupboards filled with foods containing maximum amounts of sugar and artificial coloring and Grammy is drinking a pot of very strong coffee. Okay...seriously...is it only 1:30??????